people are strange.

…when you’re a stranger…

❤️‍🩹 welcome to soul revision #3 ❤️‍🩹

i’ve found it particularly hard to connect with people this week.

with people but also my own emotional state.

if you asked me right now how i’m doing, i couldn’t tell you - not bad, i guess. neither sad nor happy. kinda… meh. indifferent. apathetic

to be fair, as a Borderline, this is nothing too unusual. but i‘ve found myself grabbing my „wheel of emotions“ unusually often this week.

i was given this skill almost four years ago when i first heard the words that most people compare to a death sentence - for me, they felt like someone finally loosening the noose around my neck and lowering me to the ground after i‘ve been dangling from the ceiling for 30 years:

„You have ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder.“

ever since i‘ve been to what felt like „elementary school for basic human needs, emotions and behavior“, better known as DBT, this wheel of emotions has been a beloved part of my skills bag that i‘m carrying around with me everywhere i go.

i got a whole lot better in identifying how and what i feel but there’s probably forever gonna be weeks like this.

good thing, the first thing i learned about this Dialectical Behavior Therapy is that it’s been developed by Marsha Linehan - who’s been diagnosed with BPD as well and later became the first psychologist who’s managed to establish the most effective, most validating and most appreciative form of therapy for us BPD warriors.

gurl is credible as fuck. and a fucking heroine.

so i‘ve been loyal to her teachings ever since.

ok so back to one.

people are strange.

fun story: i originally planned on calling this week‘s recap „i don’t like The Doors and other things that evidently make me an alien in everyone else’s eyes.“

it‘s true, i don’t like the seemingly never ending Hammond Organ solos accompanied by wailing sounds of an aggressive, drunk Jim Morrison, but that’s a whole other story…

i can still admit that the iconic line „people are strange when you’re a stranger“ has always spoken to me on a different level - so here we are now.

disgust is what might come closest to my emotional state. disgust and anger.

i‘m angry at greedy, scared and weak fucks tearing us apart. i‘m disgusted by people blindly following narcissistic propagandists and therefore each and every one of us poor bastards into oblivion.

weird, right?

that i feel so disconnected from everyone while wanting nothing more than connection and peace.

or maybe that’s just the only sane thing to feel in this torn apart world?

here‘s some more contradiction for you:

i‘m actually listening to Bill Wither‘s „Lean On Me“ while writing this - the only song that’s actually made me FEEL something this week. something powerful and inspiring. something other than anger.

a reason to keep on smiling every day that i come home to this impossibly funny and caring guy. a reason to keep on digging my nose into that grapefruit essential oil in my skills bag that reminds me of a sunny afternoon at my grandma‘s house in portugal. a reason to keep on looking out for my beautiful friend who lives right around the corner from where a terrorist attack happened this week.

because despite it all -

„For no one can fill those of your needs that you won't let show.

[…]

If there is a load you have to bear

That you can't carry

I'm right up the road

I'll share your load

If you just call me.“

(please don’t call me - text me, i hate phone calls.)

i‘ve promised you a list of movies „for the feels“, and for obvious reasons, i‘ve decided to go for a „happy feels“ kinda list today…

enjoy and have a weird and wonderful weekend!

Julie x

…for a Friday night to come down after an exhausting week:

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

…for Saturday shenanigans:

What We Do in the Shadows (movie AND show!)

…for your cozy Sunday evening:

Coming to America